Home Studies...check!

Dear Wyatt,

I sit here tonight only a little over a month into this journey and already battling through the emotions. The wait...well, it is going to be a long one. Much longer than I ever would like to have imagined. I'm lying here tonight watching your daddy and brother sleep just wondering if you are sleeping as peaceful as them each night in your temporary home.

Though we have no clue as to whether you have yet to be born, I can't help but feel that you have been. Maybe feeling that way is my personal and unique way of comforting myself because writing you letters makes you being there that much more temporary. I just can't wait to see your face, and bring you home.

Yesterday we finished up our last and final visit with our local agency which was to read over our completed home study before submitting to international agency for review. Then we should be receiving 3-4 copies ourselves. In the meantime, we are finishing up collecting and notarizing the documents still needed to compile our dossier for the Thailand. My guess is we will officially be on the waiting list for a match within the next month.

Eeeeeeeeek! I can hardly wait! One step closer, my sweet baby girl!

Ouer agency recently informed us there is currently a 3-12 month wait for a referral (when matched with a child). Due to the Thai government requiring 24 months between children in the home, we are expecting a match  sometime between spring and the end of next year. It could be sooner, but it isn't likely based on past referral groups received by our agency. Then for the hard part...once matched, we then have to wait again for the Thailand to review our case before we can travel (approximately 12-15 months post match) to come get you.

It looks to be a long and emotional journey, but it will be worth
every.
single.
second.

Prayerfully Waiting,
Mommy

Today, I hope.

To my beautiful princess,

There is absolutely nothing more fitting than this. It describes our every feeling, thought, and prayer. When your brother was born almost 21 months ago, we felt for the first time what it truly meant to have and long for that four-letter word...hope. From that moment onward, we never lost it. Since first starting our adoption journey, it has taken on a whole new meaning. We now have hope for both of our babies rather than one.

As a mommy who has already experienced waiting to meet and see her unborn child for the very first time, I can assure you there is no greater feeling. I think of you all day, every day and not a day passes that my heart doesn't explode with extreme happiness, anticipation, and joy. Call me crazy, but sometimes I even catch myself feeling as though I'm pregnant with you in my belly. Though realistically that is not the case, the excitement and love for you is no different than it was when I was expecting your big brother. Because now, though I may not be carrying you physically...He is. Whether you have already been born, still in your birth mother's womb, or were welcomed into the world only minutes before I ever wrote this post, you're never alone. I am with you always, and you and Gunnar have altready taught me more than I'll probably ever learn in a lifetime.

And for that, I am forever thankful.

Prayerfully,
Mommy

Be Still.

Dear Wyatt,

Whelp, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a wee bit emotional this evening. I'm smiling through the tears...happy ones that is. You have been on my heart and mind all day. So much that I just posted it as a silly Facebook status. Something you will learn about your mommy is I LOVE to take steaming hot bubbly baths right before bedtime. Are you ready for this? In the dark! Yes, I turn off all of the lights except for a dim light above the shower, and I soak, read my devotional series, and pray. And also while I soak, I reflect. Sometimes I think back on my day and all that happened, while other times I just relax and talk to God.

In the Bible, our Father says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” -Psalm 46:10

I love spending time with Him and simply being still. It is during those very moments I praise Him for you and for this incredibly amazing opportunity. After all, it is He who has led us to you find you in the first place. That I am most sure of, my sweet angel.

Tonight, I couldn't help but write to you. It's funny or difficult to explain, but when I write to you I feel more whole, more complete. I feel closer to you. After lying down with our precious Gunnar Lane as he drifted to sleep this evening, I imagined you lying next to him. The thought of having both of our babies in between your daddy and me cuddled up together watching a movie and eating popcorn makes my heart explode with happiness.

Are you born yet?
Were you born in Bangkok, or miles away in a neighboring city?
Is your birth mother expecting? If so, when is she due?
Are you hungry? Clean?

The questions are endless, but my strength is growing by the minute. Just like your brother, you are already reminding me the importance of being patient, relying on my faith, and letting go. All of this can be done if we just be still.

Love Always,
Mommy

One Day Closer.

To Our Precious Wyatt,

I debated on making (y)our adoption journey public...our family thoughts, emotions, experiences, and prayers all written into one big online storybook. After all, it is not our story to tell.

After much thought, I felt led to share our hearts with all who would be willing to listen in hopes that as we pray for your arrival, they will do the same. So for the next two years, maybe more...maybe less, your mommy is going to do just that. But instead of addressing the readers, I am going to write to you because that is my sole purpose for this blog in the first place. My hope is that one day when you are old enough and the timing is right, you can visit this page and be able to look back on our time of waiting and know there wasn't a moment we weren't thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you.

Tonight, for my first letter, I want nothing more than for you to know why we chose you to be our daughter. You see, long before your daddy and I even married we began praying for each other and God's plans for us as a couple. The love I had and still have for your daddy has far surpassed what I ever could have imagined. From the moment we crossed paths, God was at work. Much more than a best friend, your daddy is a leader. A man with a heart so big for the Lord. I remember it like it was yesterday. He always made fun of me and my strange adoration for "deep conversations" at the most random moments. Some of them in the wee hours of the night.

In the midst of one of our teenage-minded chats only a couple months into dating, your daddy shared with me how adoption was something that has always been on his heart. I say all of this because I want you to know God had a plan for your life long before your mommy ever walked down the aisle.

Fast forward 7+ years later, and well...here we are. On June 29, 2012, I gave birth to who would be your big brother, Gunnar Lane Herndon. When Gunnar was born, we knew God had so much in store for our family as we witnessed many miracles through a baby so small, so perfect. The past almost two years with our boy have been some of the most memorable, treasured, and amazing months of our lives. And though it keeps getting better and better, something was missing. That something is you.

Around the fall of 2013, your daddy and I had one of those "deep discussions" (You know, the ones your mommy has always loved), and we felt that God was leading us to grow our family. We wanted so badly to make Gunnar a big brother, but we were also dealing with burdened hearts. Our hearts still had that same burning desire for adoption that we had many years ago when your daddy first brought up the idea. Except this time, we knew. There were no questions as to if this was what God was calling us to do. We had direction, and He had a plan. So, what did we do? We began praying for His timing.

In March of this year, He revealed. I woke up suddenly one random night (random...imagine that!) around midnight. I'll never forget it because it was a work night, and your daddy had been asleep for at least three hours already. Gunnar sleeping between us with his knees pressing against my back, and I just couldn't shake it any longer. What an uncomfortable feeling for more than one reason. I whispered while shaking your daddy softly, "Josh....Josh....." No response. Good grief, as you have probably learned by now, your daddy could literally sleep through an earthquake. The first attempt I was quiet, but the second........yea, not so much. "JOSH, JOSHHH!" This time, he was up. I had scared him to death...literally. He jumped and found me standing above him starting him in the face. I managed to keep a low voice all while Gunnar continued snoozing between us.

That night I couldn't wait any longer.

I shared with your daddy what was on my heart, and he agreed it was time. I spent the next two hours working on an online adoption application through Holt International. This was the agency we had settled on after much search and prayer. And as I typed, I wiped bookoodles of tears from my face. Happy ones that is. In addition to the day I married your father and when we were given the gift of Gunnar, when I pressed submit at almost 2:00 in the morning was one of the most happiest days of my life. Our family was officially on its way to being complete. Gunnar would soon have a little sister, and we would have a daughter to love and protect along with her brother all the days of our lives.

Now, go ahead and ask, why Thailand? My answer is simple. God. He led us to you. We felt it on our hearts from the beginning that He was leading us to adopt internationally, and all that was left to decide was where from. We prayed, and we prayed...and we prayed. And just like every other answered prayer, He revealed. All we had to do is ask and be still. How great is our God?

So, as for today, where are we in our journey towards bringing you home? We have currently completed home studies through New Beginnings and are waiting for our case worker to type our home study. While we wait, we are also finishing up all of the documents for our dossier that will be submitted to the Thai government sometime within the next month or two.

Where are we? We are one step, one prayer, and one day closer to meeting you for the very first time.

Oh, and Wyatt, thank you for your strength, bravery, and story. Like your mighty warrior of a brother, you are a gift just waiting to be opened. You may not even be born just yet (...or maybe you have), but never doubt our love for you. I can only dream of the day we will receive a picture of your beautiful face for the first time. The day we get to pick you up and touch your skin. Or even the moment we will get to lock eyes for the very first time. What a day that will be...

I can only imagine.

In His Grip,
Your Mommy